i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
