Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
