Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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