Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
