Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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