I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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