I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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