I want to make a zoo with you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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