i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
