Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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