You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
