Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
there is glitter all over my balls
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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