Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
