the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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