did you get engaged???
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
