Me too!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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