420 ftw
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
