Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
