we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
