It was confusing and full of hummus
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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