I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
