after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't turn off my feet"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
