Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
