I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there was a trapeze. enough said
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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