Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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