she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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