Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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