Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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