she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
