Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
