and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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