The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
