5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
