nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
