If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
