That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
