I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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