Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
