She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
