I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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