I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
