Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
