may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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