Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
