She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
