saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
