I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
