How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
