Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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