Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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