just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Houston, we have a squirter
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The struggles of a small town man whore
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
